i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
