Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
