i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
