Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
