Princesses don't give blow jobs
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
