who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
cat food counts as protein by the way
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
