I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
