i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
