I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
