Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
