Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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