The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
