I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
