Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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