Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
