Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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