and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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