I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Will exercising make me less horny?
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