Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
