I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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