i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
