My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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