I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
