i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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