She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
