you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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