walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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