Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
