I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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