My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize