Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wear drunk well.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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