Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
