Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
