Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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