he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
