I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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