gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
