i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
