I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have tasted many bathrooms
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
