This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
