I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
