Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
