Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
40s are totally the cure
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
