The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize