Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
