he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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