I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
