where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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