I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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