He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
