Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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