its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i believe in u and ur pee
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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