There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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