i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
