the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think i have two assholes
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
