and you said cock pushups were impossible
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
