plz talk dirty to me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
50% drunk capacity currently
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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