just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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