I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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