her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
