No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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