I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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