so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You dont lie about slip and slides
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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