he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just cut my nipple shaving
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
