She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
