If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
