Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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