Your face is a jimmy john
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
