All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
