so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
